You may know that I'm a driver for UPS. As such, I see quite a bit of bizarre things from time to time, and many are unmentionable. Human behavior can be mind boggling, and I just soak it all in.
One aspect of human behavior that I find particularly amusing is the desire people have for other people to look at them... to notice them. Be it the mid-life-crisis-guy revving his Harley at a stoplight or the 19 year old black kid with his boom-boom music blaring at the same stoplight, the message is the same: LOOK AT ME!
Those are obvious examples, though. Some are not quite so obvious, and I stumbled upon a couple of examples at the same time while eating lunch. Towards the entrance of a massive golf-course subdivision I deliver to, they have a pretty expansive tennis & swim complex. Overlooking this is a parking lot with covered picnic tables... a great place for a packed lunch. While sitting there people watching & chowing down on my wife's delicious pasta salad, I noticed something peculiar and a little funny. As women would leave the pool to walk towards their cars, two different rituals would take place. Women of a certain age would pack up their things, put on a shirt or wrap themselves in a towel and make their way to their car. The younger pre-offspring women would dry off, pack their towels in their bag, and then proudly strut half naked the 100 yards to their cars... or even all the way home! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!
But, the young women weren't the only ones panting for the attention of another's eyes. Mind you, I drive the streets of this neighborhood day in & day out, so I get to know the faces of those who are out & about. There's a particular lady I have noticed running along the side of the road towards the entrance of the subdivision for months. Like I said, this is a MASSIVE neighborhood, so the car traffic at the entrance is constant. I'd always figured this lady lived near the entrance, so that's why she ran there. Imagine my astonishment when I saw her jogging through the parking lot from the street, to her car, climb in & drive back INTO the subdivision! I recognized her car as one I see parked - quite literally - as far from the entrance of the subdivision as you can get. This lady actually gets in her car, drives to the entrance of her subdivision, and then runs up & down the road so her neighbors can see her running! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!
It's imbecilic. It's prepubescent. It's absurd.
Know what's even more absurd? Cyclists. They're morons.
Before you cyclists get your padded panties in a wad, remember, I'm an avid cyclist myself. I love my bike. I love riding my bike. I stare at it longingly when it's icy outside. I think about it when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep. I only half-jokingly call it my mistress. When I pull onto UPS's lot at the end of my day, I peer towards the employee lot to see if I can see my mistress perched happily on the roof rack of my car. I might have a problem...
I digress (one of my superpowers.)
Rights. Let us talk about our rights.
Okay, allow me to ramble on about our rights.
I, for example, have the right to say the South deserved to lose the Civil War, and that Dixie will never rise again. I have the right to shout this in the stands at a Mississippi Rebels Homecoming football game. I'd be a moron if I did.
I have the right to go to a McDonald's drive-through and ask them to take a dump in a cup & call it a chocolate shake. If they did that, I'd really have no room to complain.
I have all sorts of rights that are positively idiotic if exercised. I try to avoid idiocy.
Now, back to us cyclists... the idiotic morons exercising our rights...
I have the right to ride on any surface street in Georgia unless otherwise restricted. On many or most roads, I'd be an idiot if I did. Driving around in my big brown truck, like I said, I have gotten to observe some of the more interesting things about human behavior. One of them is the desire of a certain group of cyclists to ride their bikes on the absolute most dangerous surface streets Georgia has to offer... winding shadowy fast two lane country roads? Check! Industrial parks that double as rush hour thoroughfares? Check! Double check for riding solo at 5:30! The "slow lane" of a 6 lane road instead of the dedicated bike lane that is stupidly dangerous to ride in itself? CHECK!
What the heck, guys? Turn your brains on! You are not only being an idiotic moron, you're also being a self-centered egotistical jerk! Imagine if you were trying to get somewhere & got stuck behind my UPS truck with me refusing to ride over 22 miles an hour. How'd that stick in your bonnet? I have the RIGHT to do that, afterall (the difference being you probably can't kill me in my big brown truck by texting & driving). You're abandoning any responsibility for your own safety, demanding others respect your right to be an idiot, and placing a HUGE burden on drivers. Afterall, we've all struggled to get around a cyclist who is puttering along at 1/3 the flow of traffic. As a professional driver, I find it challenging. I can only imagine what this is like for the elderly, the teenager or the fresh-to-America immigrant from a country without cars. You Jerk.
Here's another little detail of these idiotic moronic self-centered egotistical jerks: they're almost ALL white men from about 35 years to 65 years with a scruffy grey beard.
Those pre-offspring women get their ego stroked by attracting the eyes of men & jealous glares of other women. The woman running in the high traffic area of her neighborhood enjoys people knowing that SHE is in shape & still looks good.
So, what is it these middle aged buffoons are getting out of this idiotic behavior? I have my guesses, but one thing is clear. They're giving the rest of us a bad rap. They're giving the rest of us a bad rap, and they're getting killed in the process. They have the right to say what they want at that football game. They have the right to order poop in a cup. They are also reaping the harvest of exercising those rights.
Please.
Unless it's a road that makes sense to ride on, don't.
